Kindness (Part Two)

When we begin to change our behaviors towards our husband, do our “motives” change too?  I just finished reading “How To Act Right When our Spouse Acts Wrong” by Leslie Vernick.   I highlighted a statement by the author early on, as early as page 13.  I typically don’t mark up my books, but rather takes notes and then go into a deeper study of those things that move my heart.  This blog is about changing ourselves and really has nothing to do of the changes our husband may or may not make. Our change is because we desire to walk like Christ and in so doing we respond as we are called through the guidance of God’s Word.

“We might fool others with the kind of outward change, but we never fool our spouse.”

I am glad that I read this.  I had to pause and sit quietly before God. I had to ask myself of the changes I am making, even this past week.  I have a confession.  I know my husband would like the dishes to be loaded a certain way.  So my act of KINDESS was to do just that.  Nine times out of ten he is loading up the final dinner dishes and getting the machine going.  He has a kind-hearted grumble over how I load the dishes through out the day, because often he has to rearrange them to maximize the space.  Why did I choose this specific act of kindness?  What was my hearts true motivations?  Questions we all need to ask ourselves.

I realized in this act of KINDNESS that I desired to have my husband’s approval on just how dishes were loaded to his standard. Not once did I get that this week.  I did not even realize that was what I was expecting until pondering and praying over this statement of motives.  Who am I fooling anyway?  I want to change the motives of my heart towards Christ and not for approval, not for more love actions towards me.  I want to be kind because it’s what I am called to do and who I am to be.

If you read last week on being kind I ask that this week you continue in that act of Kindness.   Only now ask yourself what your motives might be for the specific act of kindness you chose. Sit still before God and ask the Holy Spirit to reveal any motives that you may not even be aware of.  After I realized what my hidden motives were I was actually able to change my attitudes towards such a simple act of dishwasher loading.  This morning I felt a deep sense of joy because I was doing something that my heart was clear on. I just want to love David.  I can show love and kindness in small ways regardless of whether he notices or not. 

A few pages over I loved this:
“When we allow God to define our needs, we can trust him.  God uses something about our experiences to bring us into a closer relationship with him and greater maturity in our lives.”  My need was to be valued by David for something that he missed.  He missed the fact that I was making his loading easier and underneath, deeper than layers had I looked at earlier, I had this need. “We must see our marriage as an opportunity to depend on God to meet our real needs.”

Psalms 19:12-14
“Who can understand his errors?  Cleanse me from secret faults.  Keep back your servant from presumptuous sins.  Let them not have dominion over me.  Then I shall be blameless.  And I shall be innocent of great transgressions.  Let the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be acceptable in Your sight.  O Lord my strength and my Redeemer.”

Dear Lord Jesus,
It is only through You and only you that we can be redeemed of those secret sins and faults.  I ask that we as married women can sit before you, and ask that those be exposed.   That truly the meditations of our hearts would be acceptable and that what we speak from our mouths to our husband would be pure.  You are our strength.  Amen.