God has pressed on my heart to ask the question. One simple question. Here it is.
Is it really that hard to be nice to our husbands?
“ She opens her mouth in wisdom, And the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.”
Driving for the afternoon, the sun shining the air feeling warm on your cheeks and Mr. Handsome looks over and asks for your sunglasses. Or should I say my Mr. Handsome asks for my sunglasses and in the same breath says can you pass me some water. Wait…. Hold up here. I remember to bring my sunglasses and grab some water. You did neither so now I must have an uncomfortable afternoon drive. I get headaches with a beating sun through the windshield and I get heartburn when my stomach lacks hydration. The simple answer to this question is YES. It is hard to be kind with a headache and lack of hydration.
Driving for the afternoon, the sun shining the air feeling warm on your cheeks and Mr. Handsome looks over and asks for your sunglasses. Or should I say my Mr. Handsome asks for my sunglasses and in the same breath says can you pass me some water. Down under the seat I pull out a bag. There neatly in their case are the spare glasses I carry just for him, and extra bottled water. I take the glasses out and dust them off, and then unscrew the water cap and hand both to him. He squeezes my hand.
He is really trying to help me out here. I know he is trying but really can’t he just ask some questions to really understand what would help. It is not helpful at all to just run the laundry whenever it piles up and then dump on the sofa. My day is busy and so is the next one and then company is coming and there is no time to fold the laundry, and then it wrinkles. What an A$k my mom for help moment. (Nice save Elizabeth).
Mr. Tall and Handsome we have been married now for over a year and I see that you see that the laundry piles up. I like it to pile up, so I can spend one long evening folding laundry. So if you fancy running it through the machines on lets say Sundays. I will fancy folding it all Sunday evenings when the kids are all tucked in bed. Man you are hot and I love you. (Pretty much to this day this is our life of laundry)
Here is the reality of being kind to our husbands. It takes planning and it takes communication.
I already know that my husband is not always thinking of the same things I am thinking of when we pull out of the driveway for a road trip. Sure we check in with each other about the various details. I am not going to beat my head against a wall to get him to start thinking like me. But I can plan better, prepare better and show kindness for the ways I can think through differently and share my thoughts and resources. It’s an act of kindness that goes a long way. Bringing the kind of gum he likes to chew, the baseball hat he likes to wear and even asking if it’s going to be cold, because I know he may want to bring his insert to his jacket. He may not know it at the time the special planning for just him. Making sure I have the extra H2O, glasses, and snacks to share. Does it make him a thug because he did not think of it? Absolutely not. And it never should. Ever.
Communicating gently what he does not know will travel for years and years. And I do mean years. We are a well-rehearsed laundry team. In this household we have to be. He runs it all over the weekend and I fold it all Sunday evenings, and if Sunday evening was busy it spills into Monday mornings. I use to get so frustrated our first year of marriage. Why? He was trying to help do laundry on Tuesday, Wednesday, or Thursday and I was not in the mood to fold on those nights. I could have got frustrated or angry. Actually I think I did a few times, but realized it just meant some simple laying out the understandability of how it might work for us and it did and it has now for over eight years. Man we are sure creatures of habit. I love him more for it.
All to often I see fits of unkindness because there is this unspoken rule that He should get you in all ways. Really? Fairy Tales and Romance Novels maybe, but not in real life. He learns to get you, when you tell him how. Even if it’s how to help with laundry. He begins to see your heart when you show kindness in the smallest of ways, a simple road trip, handing him water and smiling. Is it really that hard to be so kind?
As we walk this life as a Christ Follower, the Bible speaks of our actions towards others and the ability to call on the Holy Spirit to give us that measure of Jesus in each one of us. Does your husband see Jesus in you? Or does he only see Jesus in you serving kindness out to others? Think about what I just asked? I ask myself this question every day, making sure that I am showing him that kindness that God calls me to daily with him, that man that deserves that unexpected French Kiss. Now go serve up some kindness and a French Kiss.